Herobot: Bumblebee (says my kid).
| Title: | Transformers: Dark of the Moon |
| Director: | Michael Bay |
| Score: | 10000% |
| Dad says: | 4/6 |
Category: At the Movies
#217: Assault on Precinct 13 [2005]
Things that were wrong with the original:
- We never learned exactly why Napoleon Wilson was on death row.
- We were never filled in on Ethan Bishop’s life before he joined the highway patrol.
- No personality crisis in leading character.
- Too few therapy sessions.
- A general lack of shoutings of “round’em up” etc.
- Camera too steady.
- Everyone speaks in a calm voice most of the time.
- Some sentences missing the words “fuck”, “damn” and “hell”.
- Scenes aren’t constantly explained by on-screen characters.
- No drunken irish police bosses.
- No fistfights with icicle-stabbings in the eye.
- Police station beseiged by gangs instead of the much more credible alternative; other police.
- No tender scenes letting bishop expose his softer side.
- No fighting between fellow inmates.
- Music too minimalistic and expressive.
- Some scenes completely without music.
- Not enough burning men crashing through windows.
- No mexican standoffs between the beseiged. 0. Zip.
- Forgot to write attackers’ cheesy dialogue.
- No double cross moment.
- No showdown in the forest.
Finally someone fixed all these horrible flaws.
| Title: | Assault on Precinct 13 |
| Director: | Jean-François Richet |
| Score: | 1/6 |
| Awards: | Dunce. |
