Ponderous Personal Projects

Cage, Molina, Mcshane… They must all have needed money really badly when they signed up for this one.

Title:	The Sourcerer’s Apprentice
Director:	Jon Turteltaub
Score:	2/6
Crack:	Crack’s expensive, hm’kay?.

Aaaaaaaah! I finally get the title!  It’s “Calvary”, not “Cavalry”!  Very disappointing!

Title:	Calvary
Director:	John Michael McDonagh
Score:	2/6
Title:	Very confusing.

I don’t know what to say.  It’s Bill Murray as Hunter Thompson, Peter Boyle as his lawyer. I like it.

Title:	Where the Buffalo Roam
Director:	Art Linson
Score:	4/6
Better than Gilliam?	Nope.

I guessed the whole plot after three minutes, and then it turned out I was wrong, and it was just some stupid frat boy hunt.  But then it turned out I had guessed right after all..





I still like the plot in my head better, but, oh well…

Title:	The Purge
Director:	James DeMonaco
Score:	3/6
My plot’s score:	5/6

If you only ever see one movie about … rectal issues and … other issues…  Make it this one.

Title:	Feuchtgebiete
Director:	David Wnendt
Score:	5/6
Crushed?:	Nooooo!

I’m imagining how Soderbergh sat down to watch the Tarkovsky version and saw that nobody would understand what was going on. I mean why are the occupants of Solaris there to begin with? How can we possibly understand the movie, not knowing that Dr. Gordon is there to assess the Ocean’s commercial potential?  How can we expect that anyone would understand Rheya was Clooney’s wife if they just dropped her in there!  We, the audience are TOO STUPID TO UNDERSTAND THIS SUBTITLED PINKO COMMUNIST MOVIE!

SAVE US, STEVEN!  PLEASE SAVE US FROM POTENTIAL MYSTERY!

Title:	Solaris
Director:	Steven Soderbergh
Score:	1/6
Scifi level:	Fuck you, Hollywood!

What? No boobage?

That’s more like it.  Finally a remake that outperforms the original. Absolutely sublime.  Well, mabe not absolute…I must deduct a point for stupid, unnecessary techsplanation.

Edit: I changed my mind, and I’m reinstating the point deducted, due to general awesomeness and specific boobage.

 

Title:	Solaris
Director:	Andrej Tarkovsky
Score:	6/6
Scifi level:	Medium.

 

 

Boobage!!!

 

I think we have time for one more make-remake before the year rolls over. I liked it, even if it was a bit of a challenge keeping focus. This film is apparently impossible to get hold of, so I watched it on the youtube.

Title:	Solaris
Director:	L. Ishimbaeva / Boris Nirenburg
Score:	3/6
Scifi level:	Barely registers.

In a word: Tedious.  In two words: Occasionally funny.

Title:	The Trip
Director:	Michael Winterbottom
Score:	3/6
In three words:	Tristram Shandy was better.

I watched the rest.  Actually, I watched the whole film.  I stand by my original assessment.

Title:	Rubin & Ed
Director:	Trent Harris
Score:	8/10
Potential mantra:	I’m on a collision course with the brick wall of success.